Finds
- But I changed my mind I was going to get a brain transplant.
- Sometimes they need to draw blood Why do nurses carry around red crayons?
- Rotation of Earth Joke A dad joke that gets its whole effect from one idiom being literally true.
- Super calloused fragile mystic The longest walk to a pun on record
- Nobody raises an eyebrow Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
- Ophidiophobia An abnormal fear of snakes, and two puns about it
- Nep-tunes What kind of music do planets listen to?
- Grrrrrainnnnnssss What do vegetarian zombies eat?
- He be lion Why did the feline fail the lie detector test?
- The gorilla wearing headphones A naming-convention pun that refuses to be one
- Mass confusion Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.
- They have nobody to go with Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?
- They always quack the case Why do ducks make great detectives?
- In the riverbank Where do fish keep their money?
- The only known instance of a nick nack paddy wack A doll was recently found dead in a rice paddy.
- They will break up too soon Why can't eggs have love?
- It was framed Why was the picture sent to prison?
- I'm a cashew! What did one nut say as he chased another nut?
- Ground beef What do you call a cow with no legs?
- Between us, something smells What did the left eye say to the right eye?
- How do you fix a broken pizza? How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
- Can February march? A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: two months doubling as verbs, in a single seven-word exchange.
- The Eight-Character Password A pun about counting the characters in a password requirement.
- Elevator Joke A dad joke with its own rise and fall
- Glue Stick Joke A marital mix-up over makeup
- Pumpkin Patch Joke The fix for a damaged jack-o'-lantern
- Framed Picture Joke A four-word punchline that gets a picture convicted.
- Against the Grain Joke A dad joke that puts a dead idiom back next to its own ingredients.
- Coffee Mugged Joke A dad joke where the crime and the container turn out to be the same word.
- Lean Beef Joke A dad joke that turns a butcher's grading term into a description of posture.
- My Days Are Numbered Joke A dad joke about numbered days — a doctor's ominous idiom answered with a calendar's literal truth.
- Ghost fashion The dad joke about what ghosts wear on laundry day.
- The Karma café The dad joke about the restaurant with no menu.
- An esteemed colleague A scientist's most heated partnership.
- Fresh prints Tracking down the Fresh Prince in winter weather.
- German kinder A lesson in comparative kindness.
- Keep an ion them Atomic advice for staying responsible.
- Aware wolf A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: a careful wolf is an 'aware wolf' — said aloud, a werewolf pun.
- Feline well A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: a sick cat isn't 'feline well' — a near-homophone pun on 'feeling.'
- Hands down A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down — literally.
- Thanks for all the sediment A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: the ocean thanks the beach for all the sediment — a pun on 'sentiment.'
- Shakespeare A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: a nervous javelin thrower is 'Shakespeare' — his own name literally shakes a spear.
- Ariana Venti A dad joke about coffee sizes
- Tutus A dad joke about ballerinas and math
- Fed-Up A dad joke about shipping company mergers
- Well armed A pun with eight limbs
- Shellfish On crustacean generosity
- Lemonaid A pun about giving a sick lemon 'lemonaid' instead of lemonade.
- Reptile dysfunction A pun about a chameleon that can't change color, playing on 'reptile dysfunction.'
- Chick-Fil-Eyyy A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke: where Fonzie goes for lunch — Chick-Fil-Eyyy.
- Without a Tres A dad joke from r/dadjokes about a Mexican magician who vanishes 'without a tres.'
- Rare It Is A dad joke from r/dadjokes: a husband orders his steak done 'like winning an argument with my wife' — rare.
- Not Messi A dad joke from r/dadjokes: why Ronaldo never has to clean his room — because he's not Messi.
- Against the grain A dad joke from icanhazdadjoke about gluten-avoiders 'going against the grain.'
- Bison-tennial A dad joke from r/dadjokes about 200 years of roaming-cattle research landing on 'bison-tennial.'
- Four square meals A dad joke from r/dadjokes where a day of waffles, Cheez-Its, tofu, and brownies adds up to 'four square meals.'
- A satisfactory A dad joke from r/dadjokes turning 'a factory that makes okay products' into 'a satisfactory.'
- The balloon elephant A dad joke from r/dadjokes that doubles up 'pop' and 'trunk' into one elephant/balloon punchline.
- Affogato A dad joke from r/dadjokes that turns the coffee drink name 'affogato' into 'a-forgot-o.'
- Jacuzzi vs. yakuza A dad joke from r/dadjokes built on the near-homophones 'jacuzzi' and 'yakuza.'
- An orchestrated attack A dad joke from r/dadjokes about being hit by three instruments, with the punchline landing on 'orchestrated.'
- Origami assignment A one-liner from icanhazdadjoke about an origami assignment, playing on 'turned my paper in.'
- The shapely food-bank donation A pun about donating country-shaped cookies.
- The vandalized calendar A pun about losing the fifth month of the calendar.
- The Life Savers fortune A pun about the inventor of Life Savers candy.
- The website doctor A pun about the kind of doctor who fixes websites.
- The colorblind diagnosis A groaner about how a colorblindness diagnosis arrived.
- Why horses skip therapy A one-line groaner about why you never see horses in therapy.
- The orchestrated whale attack A groaner about who was behind the whale-watching boat catching fire.
- The wildlife hotline menu A groaner about the phone menu you get when you call the wildlife hotline.
- The 250-year-old yoghurt A groaner about what a yoghurt develops if you leave it alone for 250 years.
- R.I.P. boiled water A brief eulogy for boiled water.
- The Fourth of July beverage A Fourth of July pun about the drink of choice.
- George Washington's poultry counter-espionage A fake history fact about George Washington's chicken-based counter-espionage program.
- Boa constructor A wholesome, immediately gettable homophone pun about a snake who builds houses for a living.
- Orca-stra A one-beat pun about a group of killer whales playing instruments together in an orca-stra.
- The Cheese Factory Joke A cheese pun about a French explosion.
- The Dog Whistle Joke A trick-question pun about dog whistles.
- The E.T. Joke A pun about what E.T. is short for.
- The Keyboard Factory Joke A workplace pun about keyboard shifts.
- The Left Side Joke A pun about being all right.
- The Pumpkin Joke A pun about why pumpkins sit on porches.
- The Seagull Joke A classic pun about seagulls and bays.
- The Driving Test Joke A grammar pun about full stops.
- The Soft Drink Joke A pun about a soft drink to the head.
- The Plain Bagel Joke A short food-pun about aerodynamic baked goods.
- The Brazilian Lightbulb Joke A lightbulb joke about counting in Portuguese.
- The Burger King and Dairy Queen Joke A fast-food monarchy joke about contraception.
- The Chinese Lightbulb Joke A pun about durable Chinese lightbulbs.
- The Harp Discount Joke A musical pun about discount harps and connections.
- The Magician's Pear Joke A magician's misdirection — and a fruit complaint.
- The Microscope and the Telescope Joke A one-line dad joke about an unfortunate optical accident.
- The Broken Pizza Joke A pizza-repair pun about adhesive paste.
- The Playground Slide Joke A classic chicken-crossing-the-road update for the playground generation.
- The Least Spoken Language Joke A linguistic technicality.
- The Loud Television Joke A classified ad with built-in punchline.
- The Viking Without a Boat Joke A one-letter word swap involving a Viking with a navigation problem.
- The Broken Finger Joke A one-sentence injury report that doubles as a perfect setup-and-payoff structure.
- The Clock Joke A two-line eat-the-clock pun that tells you exactly what kind of joke it is in the punchline.
- The Tall Order Joke An idiom-pun joke whose punchline is also literally true about the Eiffel Tower.
- The Einstein, Newton, and Pascal Joke Three physicists, three counting strategies, one chalk square.
- The Mortgage Freeman Joke A two-line celebrity-pun joke that lands the moment you read the punchline.
- The Soap Opera Joke The kind of two-line groaner that earns a delayed grimace once the genre name lands.
- The Ballpark Figure Joke Stadium capacity meets the idiom for an estimate.
- The Scenter Joke A short anatomical pun about the nose's position on the face.
- The Tom Hanks Autograph Joke A one-letter-off pun on a famous actor's name.
- The Beaver and the Tree It's been nice gnawing you
- The Self-Anesthesia Joke Knock yourself out
- The Paranormal Jeans Joke What kind of pants does a ghost hunter wear?
- The Pi Arthritis Joke On a 1-to-10 pain scale: pi
- The Step Ladder Joke I never knew my real ladder
- The Velcro Rip-Off Joke I wouldn't buy anything with velcro